In just a few weeks, spring bonuses will roll into many BigLaw associates' bank accounts. Wouldn’t it be nice to take that money and head off on a lavish vacation to Turks and Caicos? How about a spa day—indulge in a massage and some of those wax booties at Bliss. Perhaps you’re less about pampering and more about eating, so maybe a dinner at Per Se is in order.
Who are you kidding? You don’t have time for any of that. You’ve got billing to do. The closest you’re getting to the above are a tropical screen saver on your office computer, your feet propped up on a box of documents and a delusional dream that Per Se will one day be on Seamless. So how are you gonna spend all of that money? Look no further—I am offering my personal shopping services to you for FREE. Get that bonus money ready for some of these goodies:
1.Billable Hour Watch: No more struggling with your 6-minute increments! This watch does it for you. And you thought lawyers weren’t fashionable.
2.Lawsuit! The Boardgame: Because going to law school, passing the bar and being a lawyer is so much fun in real life, you clearly want to relive it all through a boardgame. And, it’s suitable for ages 6 and up, so you can teach your kids all about regret and lost dreams.
3.Reasonable Person Magnet: I think the reasonable person has a special place in all lawyers’ hearts. Would a reasonable person want a constant reminder of 1L Torts on his or her refrigerator? Hmmm . . .
4.Contract Law Cufflinks: Is there consideration? Quick, check your sleeve.
5.A plush, comfortable sleeping bag: It beats taking naps with your head on the desk or directly on your office rug. Just sayin.
6.Personalized Lawyer Frame: Decorate your desk with some of the most famous court cases, and raise a glass to the people toasting in the picture (and since you don’t have any friends anymore, you needed a picture to put in there anyway).
7.Loans: Sure, paying loans doesn’t have the glitz and glamour of a fine watch or sleep cacoon, but wouldn’t it be nice to see that number go down? Seriously.
Cravath One-Ups Sullivan with Higher Spring Bonuses for Mid-Level & Senior Associates
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