10. Ex-Bear Stearns CEO Jimmy Cayne: Gray suit and glasses; carry a deck of cards, 6 iron and Montego Bay-sized spliff. Put your feet up on tables whenever you get a chance, and constantly ask if anyone wants to play a game of Bridge, or burn one down in the men’s room.
9. Mortgage-backed bond trader: Suit and tie, minus the pants. Continually ask others in costume if they’ve seen your pants—because you’ve lost them. (This costume also works for hedge fund manager.)
8. Out-of-work bank robber: Long black overcoat and ski mask (or panty hose over the face). Carry a large firearm, an empty sack emblazoned with a dollar $ign as well as a cardboard sign reading, “PLEASE HELP. HOMELESS & BROKE.”
7. Federal Reserve Chairman Benny Bernanke: White beard, bald spot, blue or gray suit. Look confused as often as possible.
6. Lehman Brothers CEO Dick Fuld: Nixon mask (unless you can find a Dick Fuld mask, which might be possible), sweat suit, Lehman tee shirt, black eye (painted onto the mask); carry a wad of hundreds in your fist, a few bills spilling out of your breast pocket. Ask others to buy you a drink whenever you feel like one and if they refuse, say, “You sure you can’t help out a Brother down on his luck?”
5. Short seller: Carry a pile of dirty gym shorts and, throughout the night, offer them to the lowest bidder.
4. Naked short seller: Same as above but, that’s right, go native.
3. Ex-Morgan Stanley Co-President Zoe Cruz: Earth-tone skirt suit, with a big knife sticking out the middle of your back (fake blood dripping down your calves is a nice additional touch). During the evening, drop this line in as much as you can: “See, that’s what happens when men are left to fend for themselves.”
2. Generic finance job seeker: Any old suit will do. Carry a stack of resumes and pass them out all night (bring your actual resume to kill two birds).
1. Uncle Sam D. Banker: American flag top hat, white wig, white goatee, Paul Smith suit, French-cuffed shirt, dollar-sign cufflinks and Hermes tie. Bring a garbage bag filled with Monopoly money and hand out bills to everyone in sight while saying, “I own you!”
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