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by Derek Loosvelt | January 19, 2011


Once upon a time there was an investment bank called Merrill Lynch that snarled like a bull and demanded respect throughout the world, including on continents called Asia, Africa and Europe. But one day, after a series of uncontrollable (and controllable) events, the bank that snarled like a bull and demanded respect began to merely chirp like a bird and demand expensive carpets, as opposed to respect. This went on for some time until a bank called America from the southern part of America swooped down and saved the bank that once snarled like bull. After that, everybody in America, including the Bank of America, thought that all would be well again with the bank that once snarled like a bull. But that was not what happened. Instead, the bank that once snarled like a bull began to lose its most important workers (called managing directors). You see, these workers did not like the Bank of America (the Bank of America bosses were not very kind to these managing directors, showing preferential treatment to the old Bank of America workers) and so they quit and joined other banks that were still sort of snarling, if not exactly like a bull. Of course, you can guess what happened next: the Bank of America and the bank that formerly snarled like a bull began to lose business in places like the continents of Europe and Asia. In fact, it got so bad that the new Bank of America fell all the way from 4th place to 11th place in European merger advice after taking over the bank that once snarled like a bull. Also, its share of investment-banking fees in Europe, the Middle East and Africa was cut by more than half. And that's why the bank called the Bank of America now needs to hire at least 30 new managing directors in Europe.

The end.



Filed Under: Finance

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