Warren Buffett, James Spader, Ray Romano, Catherine Tate, Jim Carrey, and Ricky Gervais all made cameos last night on the season finale of NBC's "The Office."
These actors, along with a few others, inhabited characters interviewing for the job of regional manager of the fictional paper sales company Dunder Mifflin, hoping to replace the outgoing regional manager Michael Scott (played by Steve Carell for nine million, nine hundred eighty-six thousand minutes). What follows are 10 interview tips gleaned from the grilling of Scott's potential replacements.
1. Don't talk about sex, or even utter the word "sex" (unless you're speaking about the subject with respect to gender, or you're James Spader doing an impression of Christopher Walken interviewing for a management position you couldn't care less about landing).
2. Never ask yourself a question and then answer it (even though it may have seemed to work for Dunder Mifflin's loose pistol Dwight Schrute, who appears to be the leading candidate for regional manager of the company's Scranton, P.A., outpost).
3. Don't ask about compensation during your initial interview with a firm, and most definitely do not inquire about whether long-distance phone calls are monitored or not (like the Oracle of Omaha did during his brief and uninspired "Office" cameo).
4. Don't eat during your interview (though, if you must, for medical reasons, do not, mid-interview, pull your morsel of necessary sustenance from a tupperware container from your briefcase and then proceed to answer questions with your mouth full).
5. Never take interview advice from someone else who's applying for the same job that you are (and definitely never take advice from someone who sounds like James Spader doing an impersonation of Christoper Walken).
6. Eye contact is good, but piercing eye contact is creepy (and piercing eye contact coupled with saying that "everything is sex, am I right?" is beyond creepy -- unless, of course, you're James Spader channeling Christopher Walken, and then it might sound endearing).
7. Don't change your opinion to please the interviewers (such as first saying, if hired, you will do away with all titles; and then, moments later, say that every one will have a title and everyone will have a boss and a subordinate and every boss can fire said subordinate at will).
8. Always bring a copy of your resume (even if the interviewer is a close friend of yours who you've known since kindergarten or who sits two cubes over from you).
9. Don't make wild promises of results that will occur if you're hired (such as already having a three-step plan to double revenues).
10. Never pretend to be someone other than you are (and never, under any circumstance, pretend to be a burn victim if you're not).
(NBC: "The Office" Season Finale)
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