| Topic Name: |
tough situation....need advice. |
| Message Name: |
No decision is fatal... |
| Date Posted: |
10/13/2005 |
| In Reply To: |
my brother-in-law moved me and my wife from NJ to CA 7 months ago to work for his Jeans company. I am an experienced engineer (14 years) and am having a real tough time working in a non-technical position. i think 7 mos. is plenty of time to know whether it is right for me or not. i was also promised a substantial increase within the first few months which has already passed. My wife says i should ask for the raise now so we can decide whether we are going to stay in CA. She is also having a real tough time with her job here. I am lousy with these type of situations....i am a people pleaser and usually suffer in situations like this way longer than i should. My brother-in-law just bought me a dirtbike to ride with him yesterday. he has been giving me things like this lately....could it be a way of keeping me content?? confuses me. anyhow here is what i need help with...how do i approach him about all this? if i dont get the raise do i tell him i have to leave? i havent slept for days thinking about this so any help would be appreciated!! thanks.
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| Message: |
Man...you are in a tough situation, especially dealing with family, but I say no decision is fatal.
I would first try to reason...(i.e. Is there any reason why the substantial increase I was promised has not occured yet? (How's the business doing?, Revenue Growth? Revenue slump?) If there is no apparent reason why you have not been given what you've been promised then the next step is to communicate your thoughts.
Here's the tough part. He's your brother-in-law. Part of you wants to be like..."Man, just give me my money!" But the other part of you is thinking, "I don't want to burn any bridges or make my relationship with the other family or my brother-in-law a rocky one."
I say you approach the situation like this..."One day, you're at lunch with your brother-in-law, or alone with him somewhere (on the dirt bikes or at the bar, etc.) there's the setting...now try to bring up the conversation of how you're liking your stay in CA so far (7 months). Then slowly build your conversation until you feel comfortable indirectly bringing up the fact that teh major reason you decided to come to CA was because your Bro-in-Law promised you a substantial increase in compensation after a few months...Let him know that you're begginning to get a little discouraged now, and wondering if I have made a poor decision. Then immediately tone it down a notch by letting him know that working for the company is challenging and rewarding, but you're uncomfortable with the fact that some of your expectations have not been met yet.
Also try to work in some verbiage to the affect that dealing with unmet expectations and a total change in pace, culture, and scenery is a major challenge for you right now. Going from NJ to CA and switching from engineering to ??? has got to be stressfull. Just let him know what's on your mind...try to work in some business ideas to assure him that you're still interested in working for the company, but make sure he gets the message, that you want your money. Don't mention your wife...unless you think she'd have some influence.
That's my advice!
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