| Topic Name: |
Verbally Abusive Coworker |
| Message Name: |
A few more points on incident documentation |
| Date Posted: |
07/21/2004 |
| In Reply To: |
I am a new hire and had to ask my coworker, who is handing over his project to me, a question. He didn't let me finish or get a word into the conversation, and then started screaming at me in front of our peers. He always wants to leave early, and today was no different. Having a question five minutes before his departure any other time is something I would normally save for the next day; however, this was an emergency and only something he would know---as a new employee, I would not.
When my shift ended, I went to my car and started crying. This is something I have never done, but I was so humiliated in front of my coworkers. As a new hire from a corporation into a government setting, I am having an already hard-enough time adjusting...advice on how to handle this? |
| Message: |
Word Diva,
Everyone else is correct in saying that you should try to smooth things over before you do anything else and document all your interactions with the problem co-worker. I would just like to add a couple of suggestions for your documentation:
1. Document this first incident before you meet with your co-worker. In your documentation, be sure to use the "I feel" and "I think" statements that someone else on this board suggested. Describe each problem behavior, explain why it bothers you, and describe what you want the co-worker to do instead.
Obviously, documenting the incident in this way helps you plan your conversation with your co-worker. However, this exercise also helps you present your case to management, if/when you need to do that, since it provides a clear statement of the problems you are experiencing and explains why management should be interested in helping you solve them.
2. Document your plans to talk to your co-worker. Explain how you intend to approach him to ask for a meeting, where you intend to meet, how long you expect the meeting to be, what you intend to say to him, and what specific outcome(s) you expect from the conversation.
Again, this will obviously help you plan your meeting with the co-worker. However, should anything go wrong, it's also going to CYA. It provides a clear record of the way you tried to solve the problem peacefully, without management intervention, even if he wouldn't cooperate with you.
3. After you talk to the person, document the conversation and then do a written comparison between the actual outcomes of your conversation (positive and negative) and the expected (positive) outcomes that you recorded before your meeting.
Again, this helps you deal with the issues because it gives you a way to measure the success of your efforts to solve the problems. But, in addition, if the guy is a jerk to you, your written analysis of the conversation will show management exactly how your co-worker's behavior consistently sabotaged your attempts to work things out with him.
Just a few strategies I learned in Negotiations class at Babson College. Preparation is the key to getting what you want out of every dispute. :)
choosebutchoosewisely
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