| Topic Name: |
Verbally Abusive Coworker |
| Message Name: |
Abusive Coworker |
| Date Posted: |
06/11/2004 |
| In Reply To: |
I am a new hire and had to ask my coworker, who is handing over his project to me, a question. He didn't let me finish or get a word into the conversation, and then started screaming at me in front of our peers. He always wants to leave early, and today was no different. Having a question five minutes before his departure any other time is something I would normally save for the next day; however, this was an emergency and only something he would know---as a new employee, I would not.
When my shift ended, I went to my car and started crying. This is something I have never done, but I was so humiliated in front of my coworkers. As a new hire from a corporation into a government setting, I am having an already hard-enough time adjusting...advice on how to handle this? |
| Message: |
Please realize that this person who is your co-worker has the problem NOT you! Refuse to take the co-worker's problem on to yourself. See it for what it is and do NOT blame yourself for OTHER PEOPLE'S problems! If you need to confront this person or anyone else who is abusive let them know how you feel by saying something like this; "When you do such and such it makes me feel like such and such or I believe that this is not right etc." To confront use words like "I feel"or "I think" or "I believe" etc." This way you are getting the message across without being threatening to the other person. Basically this person is a control freak that actually exploded because they have some OTHER agenda when they get OFF work. Maybe it is a secret lover or something like this that they are in a rush to meet after work, or this person may have a drug problem of some sort. This anger is a symptom of a person who is out of control. I suggest two different books that may be of help to you- "The Dance of Anger" by Harriet Goldhor Lerner PH.D and a spiritual type book called "Breaking Contolling Powers" by Roberts Liardon(most likely available at a christian/spiritual type book store). I hope this info will help you!
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