| Topic Name: |
why dont women help each other out? |
| Message Name: |
Mentors and cats |
| Date Posted: |
06/05/2000 |
| In Reply To: |
I know I am sticking my neck out here with all this stuff going around about 'Female Mentors, Female leadership abilities developed though being caregivers etc etc' but my experience of female supervisors has been the worst. Oh, let me not forget female colleagues and subordinates have been no angels either.
Females attack other females first and there is no question of male brainwashing - I now believe that females are simply petty by nature. If a male gets on my case I will be able to guess the reason but if a female gets on my case I can spend a lifetime figuring it out. It just might be that I am wearing earrings that she could not buy in time at some sale.
The only reasonable female I have ever worked with was practically a male. The others have by and large been spastic spitting cats. But if you are down and out then the cats might purr at you.
The other thing unique about women is that if they have had a hard time (even relatively hard) they will never make it easier for the next person - expecially female person. Rather they will make it a special misery double served straight. Most men don't feel it is their bounden duty to make others suffer.
The writer who wanted to know what to do about the spastic females in her office - my advice cut the mentor crap and stay way out of their claws.
A couple of days back I went to see Erin Brockovich - it was amusing to see how all the females were ganging up on her. I have finally come to the conclusion that women's gentler side is ONLY reserved for their family primarily their children. The rest beware -especially their competition OTHER FEMALES.
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| Message: |
I think there are two reasons why females tend not to "stick together" and therefore it is difficult to find female mentors. First of all, we are brought-up to compete against each other based on things we have no control over. Who is the prettiest, gets the most male attehtion, the nicest clothes? These are all things that we really have no control over. Until you are able to work, clothes depend on your parents' income, looks on genetics and attention from men on your appeareance and your self-confidence (which unfortunatly, when you are young depend on your appearance!) We always remember these shallow judgements and it is very hard not to compete on these qualities even in the workplace, even though they obviously don't belong there. Second, I find myself not wanting to be associated with other women by the men in my department. Why? Most of the women I know perform a lot of self-defeating acts at work that I cannot afford to be associated with. The "helpless" act when it comes to your computer, the plea for "help" as a way to get to know that cute guy in the next cubicle - great for your love life but not for your career! These guys may be intersted in you sexually, but they don't respect you in the workplace. I have found from experience, that by isolating myself from women that men view me as "different" and I am treated as one of the guys. Only after I am sure that one of my female colleagues can conduct herself appropriately do I initiate friendship. This is a self-protecting behavior that I was forced to initiate after continued discrimination as one of "the girls." Everytime one of my female co-workers did something foolishly I was unfairly judged with her.
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