| Topic Name: |
Workplace bullying |
| Message Name: |
Great advice and attitude! |
| Date Posted: |
10/18/2000 |
| In Reply To: |
The previous posts provided while amusing showed a pronounced lack of practical pragmatic advice for dealing with the situation. Bullies are a fact of working life. The reality is that at times workers find themselves in an unpleasant situation not of their own creation. For a variety of reasons, the affected worker may not be able to leave the situation immediately. Those reasons are not important, they are neither good nor bad - they exist and they are real Those reasons much like the reason(s)for the situation, won't change, without effective practical actions. The key to acting is respect. Bullying demonstrates a lack of respect between individuals. If you are being bullied, maintain your self-respect, by dealing with the situation immediately. Politely, firmly and professionally in a calm manner - tell the bully that their actions are disrespectful. "What you just said, makes me feel disrespected and I would like to address that." State it in terms of I statements, rather than "You" statements, which can be taken as accusatory and inflammatory. The first time a person disrespects you, the situation needs to be addressed politely, firmly but immediately - right immediately. Allowing the situation to continue without comment trains the person that this behavior is acceptable and encourages further bad behavior. Just like children. Most bullies are children in the sense that they focus only on their needs and see the world as revolving around them and their needs. Calling the bully on it immediately may be enough to put an end to the situation. Remember to always remain calm, especially when dealing with the bully - fear or anger often feeds a bully. Take a deep breath, before speaking - this provides an opportunity to gather thoughts and provides a sense of calm and control. Exuding a sense of calm and control may prevent the situation from escalating. However, some more practical steps can be taken until the situation can be resolved or a new job found. The next step is to document the incident, including your response. Using a day planner, make a note of the date, time and place of the incident as well as any witnesses that were present. Keep this journal at home. If the incident is serious enough, or can not be resolved at your level, escalation to a higher level may necessary and your log of incidents will give substance to your position, and underscore the seriousness of the situation. Approaching the situation with a calm, deliberate manner with documentation takes it from a "personality" problem to an "issue of significance to the operation of the business". It also makes it easier should legal action or mediation be your only recourse.
Be sure to document everything associated with the bully's unpleasantness and conversations with co-workers, HR and upper level personnel and save copies of any email or written correspondence or other supporting materials. Maintain this file at home - it can be shredded if no longer need it. Additionally while taking these actions, discretely search for another position. Most importantly, maintain a sense of self worth and self-respect. Buy a copy of Areatha Franklin's R_E_S_P_E_C_T and play it on the way to and from work. Rely on your faith and spirituality. It can be a source of strength in difficult times. The situation is unpleasant, the actions of another can not be controlled - however impact those actions have can be controlled. The circumstance(s), which require you to stay in the situation, are beyond your control as is how fast you get another position. The idea, in an out of control situation is to control what you can - Your own actions and re-actions. If you can keep your head while those around you are losing theirs the battle is yours to win.
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| Message: |
I love your message and wonderful practical advise. I certainly make the point of putting it to practice. There is only one thing I'd like to point out, and that is what you say about finding another position and quiting. I understand that in some instances that is indeed the best course of action, but in many other cases it might not be in the interest of your career to leave. Why should we leave a job that we otherwise like and are good at just because of a bully? I am currently having to put up with a bully in my office, one of my co-workers, and I can assure that it is very unpleasant. However I like my job and I am extremely good at it, and I am certainly not going to quit just because of some worthless individual (besides leaving would be just what my bully would like to see me do and I am not giving her that satisfaction!!!). I have only been in my job for 7 months and it would be very negative for my career to leave now. So I am sticking to my guns, doing my work as best I can and not letting the bully intimidate me. I certainly encourage anybody in the same situation to do the same. After all when bullies see that they are not getting their way and that people are not afraid of them, they normally have to reconsider their behaviour and that is in the benefit of everyone in the workplace. So, guys, do not get discouraged, and do not let bullies get their way, you and your career are well worth it!!!
(Signed by Trish)
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