| Topic Name: |
Workplace bullying |
| Message Name: |
Three Cheers for You |
| Date Posted: |
10/14/2000 |
| In Reply To: |
I read your message.
I was a victim. I started this new job back in May of the current year. When I was interviewed I was told that it would be a different environment that I had been accustomed to. They were aware that this was going to be a completely new field for me. At first, everything was going very well. The office has (had) four employees, the owner, a sr. V.P. (female & bully) and a V.P.
I am a very strong and independent woman, I have been on my own for a very long time. I know that I am very good at what I do. The Sr. V.P., started with the abuse and gradually escalated to the point that I just couldn't put up with it any more. Being an office of only 4 persons, I had no way out. To make it worse, she is the wife of the owner. A woman in her late 40's early 50's, she made my life a living hell. From calling me Stupid, to saying "you suck", and it goes on and on. She dedicated her day to wait for one mistake....(which we all do by the way) just to belittle me and yell at me and make me feel like a worthless human being. The sad part, is that when you're in that environment you start doubting yourself and mess up even more. But of course, she knows this. Today I walked out. I'm a single mother with 3 kids, financially, it's going to be a mess, but you know what? I'm going to keep my sanity and I know that I'm very good at what I do. I just had to walk out before I lost myself. I'm more important and a much better person than she ever will be. It's the first time I ever walked out like this, it's scary, but there a times in a persons life that you just have to stick up for yourself and say STOP. I'm glad you found a good job. I wish you well, and I'm sorry that you also had to go through that experience!!! |
| Message: |
I, too, am a strong independent woman, having raised 5 children (3 step) and now a single mom of two. I was in military intellegence behind the Iron Curtain, and took my two remaining children to Northern Ireland for a job. I have spent all my career in male dominated fields with greater than average success, with men I deeply admired, and with whom I had mutually rewarding working relationships. Some of my direct supervisors were threatened by me (God knows why - I never wanted their jobs, only to do my own), but they were mere jerks. I usually managed to get out from under them via promotions.
However, the only two gold-plated bullies I've encountered were in overtly Christian organizations. One was "everyone's favorite charity," and the other was a "Christian" college. I could do nothing about the first incident, because under the law I was merely a volunteer - albeit their highest paid 'volunteer' world-wide - and the abuse took place overseas. The second came directly on the heels of the first, but stateside, for a college that is also a federal contractor.
I was approximately the 12th woman to be the direct subject of this guy's abuse, even though the administration had been told time and again of his reign of terror. He had his own Title VII standing, so they were probably more afraid of what he could do than what the meek and mild female employees were likely to do. Unfortunately for him and the administration, and fortunately for me and the other women, I not only had a background in federal contracting, but also took employment discrimination in law school. I reminded them of the requirements under the Federal Acquisition Regulations, as well as focussed the structure of my argument around the Supreme Court Guidelines on Vicarious Employer Liability for Harassment by Supervisors.
He tried to get me to resign on the day it all came to a head, but I had already done the legal research and knew where I stood. I refused to resign, forced him to put his demand that I leave in writing (so my children and I would at least have unemployment), then immediately filed with the EEOC. They encourage mediation prior to investigation, and I had mixed feelings (being a firm believer in and student of alternative dispute resolution). However, the day before the mediation, they relieved him of his day-to-day responsibilities for the program, and I got a very satisfactory settlement.
I feel I won both for myself and my former co-workers. The school will never be able to be so certain that their female or minority staffers will not file under similar circumstances, nor can they ever be complacent about any staffer "suffering because, after all, this is God's work."
For 3 years through this mess, I went from being a confident breadwinner, to a clinically depressed collector of food stamps, my self-confidence nearly shot. I am pleased to say that having just won last month, I was invited to speak this past week at a UN-supported, international housing sociology conference, and made editor-in-chief of the proceedings publication.
I still don't have a "day job," although I teach part-time at night, but after the vote of confidence by my international research collegues, I now feel as though I can get back to who I really am inside.
The EEOC _can_ be your friend - even with out a trial or an attorney.
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