| Topic Name: |
Fox News Channel |
| Message Name: |
Anyone Want to Work for FOX News Channel? |
| Date Posted: |
05/26/2005 |
| Message: |
Help Wanted:
FOX News Channel
Associate Producer/Writer (my "supplementary comments" are in italics):
* Writes voice-overs, vo/sots, teases and intros for reporter live shots and guest segments. (Must be able to create blurbs in which Democrats and liberals appear stupid, evil, unholy or unpatriotic without actually offending FCC guidelines.)
* Coordinates with producers in the field to organize video and graphic elements for reporter live shots. (Must be able to quote chapter and verse from the Republican Party Platform in order to assure that FOX reporters are always "on message." Applicant must have the ability to print idiot cards in large letters using words no bigger than two syllables. Must be willing to take the fall if a reporter says something wrong on the air.)
* Directs production assistants in the editing of video elements. (including sophisiticated cutting techniques designed to favor convervative and Republican guests at the expense of liberals, even if the opposing guest is actually a Democrat in Name Only. The general rule at FOX News is: ALL liberals and Democrats are fair game and must be denigrated and/or diminished in every way at all times.)
* Keeps control room updated on status of elements and any last minute changes. (This requires the surgical implantation of a wireless reciever directly connected to Karl Rove's office. Physician approval needed as well as a waiver in the event the surgery goes wrong or the device cannot be removed at a later date.)
* Assists producer in control room during breaking news by coordinating phoners and writing news alerts. (Since FOX News rarely interrupts its shows for live events unless it has been cleared by Mr. Rove, this will not prove a stressful aspect to the job, unless the employee writes a news alert that actually contains real news, in which case he or she will be summarily fired for insubordination and possibly prosecuted for independent thinking.)
The Associate Producer/Writer must have a well developed ability to write news in a fair and balanced manner. The A.P. needs to be a self starter who is well read and up to date on all the major issues of the day. The position requires excellent organizational skills and the ability to work well under strict deadlines. The A.P. must also have superior grammar, vocabulary and spelling skills. The candidate must have at least 2 years previous newswriting experience. This position is located in NYC.
Do not apply for this job if:
* You have parents who came from Mexico, France or the Middle East.
* You are a Democrat, liberal, Green or progressive.
* You think independently.
* You believe Air America Radio has a right to exist.
* You have had an abortion, use birth control, are living in sin, are openly gay (clost gays are permitted) or support Roe v Wade.
* You ever worked for Dan Rather, spoke with Dan Rather, watched Dan Rather or read his book.
* You admire Hillary Clinton or Jesse Jackson.
* You are a woman who is offended by lewd, suggestive comments and indecent proposals from bloviating white males.
* You think George Bush is just an ordinary human being and not the Second Christ come to lead his people into heaven.
All applicants will be fully vetted by the FBI, CIA, IRS and INS.
Fox News Channel is an EOE.
from news hounds.
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