| Topic Name: |
Kerry threatens to talk for one hour |
| Message Name: |
LOL |
| Date Posted: |
05/19/2005 |
| In Reply To: |
by Andy Borowitz - Adding fuel to the current controversy over Senate filibusters, Sen. John Kerry (D-Mass) today threatened to speak for a solid hour on the Senate floor, an act which several prominent legal scholars said could be in violation of the Geneva Conventions against torture.
Sen. Kerry issued his threat today in the trademark monotone that became familiar to millions during his ill-fated run for the presidency in 2004.
??I??m going to speak for a solid hour and there??s nothing any of you can do to stop me!?? bellowed the Massachusetts senator, causing Democrats and Republicans alike to rush for the exits of the Senate chamber.
While some political insiders called Sen. Kerry??s threat to speak for an hour little more than a scare tactic, legal scholars believe that should the Massachusetts senator make good on his threat he could draw the ire of Amnesty International and other human rights watchdog groups.
??Senator Kerry threatens to talk for an hour at his own peril,?? said Dr. Ivan Connaught, who has spent the last thirty years studying the Geneva Conventions at the University of Minnesota. ??According to my reading of the Conventions, listening to John Kerry speak for anything over ten minutes would have to be considered cruel and unusual punishment.??
The senator??s wife, Teresa Heinz Kerry, said today that even she had never been forced to listen to her husband speak for an entire hour.
??When he opens his piehole, that??s when I whip out my iPod,?? she said.
Elsewhere, a terrorist seeking 72 virgins was found waiting on line for the new ??Star Wars?? film.
http://borowitzreport.com |
| Message: |
This is just hysterical!
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