| Topic Name: |
Ex-boyfriend Now My BOSS! |
| Message Name: |
Time to Take Control |
| Date Posted: |
04/23/2001 |
| In Reply To: |
I am really struggling with the fact that my ex-boyfriend is now my boss. We dated 5 years and were going to be married but I broke it off because he was too controlling and 1 year later he is now my boss. Now he has control again. He controls my job, my vacation, sees my phone records, has DAILY meetings. I have to go to work and see him and hear him the first thing almost EVERY morning. I have such a struggle with this and the fact that the company I work for allowed this to happen to me. I've worked there 15 years and a good employee. It's been a year now and I can't seem to shake this feeling. I think it's more about principle - people (management) shouldn't have let this happen. I've talked to girlfriends and they say they could never deal with it. So then, why doesn't a company know how this can mess with someone's mind. I haven't seen a posting like this - has this only happened to me? I'm 47 - early retirement age - probably? very hard for me to find another job. I feel really stuck, depressed, cornered, controlled...the list goes on - any help/advice would grealy be appreciated. |
| Message: |
All of us can empathize with the problem of working with a boss that you simply DON'T like, and then add on that he or she's an ex-lover. You've been doing this for a year, so this is really "old hash."
All companies make insensitive decisions, and this is another example. What to do? First, I assume that you've looked around internally to see if there is some lateral change you could make. If the company is big enough, it would appear that this type of move hasn't opened up yet.
This means that you have two options: wait it out until he's promoted (or leaves) on his own; or second, look around to see what other company you could find and work for. I don't think that 47 is a cutoff on fulfilling job employment (I know the odds are harder); however, rather than continuing to be "depressed, cornered, controlled...", you need to take action for your own sake. And now.
If you can't change jobs from where you are, start looking around for another--and you should make this a priority. Perhaps even seeing if you'd like to change occupations to something more fulfilling, as this would be the time. At the same time, talk to friends, your minister (or priest, rabbi, or other confidant), a counselor, even a physician to see what you can do to take this pressure off. Take long walks and be good on yourself.
It's a tough situation, no question about it. However, you'll need to take control of this from an insensitive company, as I've chatted about above. If it gets worse enough, then take another job--even if it is with lower pay. You might also talk with an attorney, but it doesn't seem on the face of these facts that you have a strong cause of action (unless he makes unwanted advances or makes your job environment "hostile" by his acts).
Good luck,
The Moderator
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