| Topic Name: |
On The Beach at KPMG |
| Message Name: |
You like me...You really like me! |
| Date Posted: |
01/26/2001 |
| In Reply To: |
Hey K-Boy,
Where have you been? We miss you!! Your postings are so funny, it keeps us "big five" consultants going. I've been forwarding your postings to my co-workers and everyone loves you. Let us know what you've been up to.
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| Message: |
I totally didn't think anyone was listening! It's nice to know that I'm wanted, at least on Vault if not by KPMG. (You hear that KPMG!)
Sorry for post shortage dude! I just got back from blowing my last paycheck in Vegas. It's been totally un-LA weather lately so I decided to take off for the strip, cause I haven't been in a while and wanted to do some gambling. It's also about time I used my stupid points piling up on my Diners Club card. I *was* saving up for this cool-ass portable blender, but since my days at KPMG are numbered and the other consulting firm uses AMEX I figured I would live on the edge and trade them all in for miles...but I digress.
Yesterday I played a favorite game I learned at KPMG New Hire orientation called "Shifting The Blame." I called my partner and told her that the Resource Manager (we'll call her Spider Woman from now on) hasn't been doing anything as far as I could tell in placing me on an engagement and that I am becoming "frustrated that I am not able to add value to our team." (LOL) This totally enraged my bitchy partner, girls can be really vicious to each other, or maybe it's just the ladies at KPMG. Well the admin near Spider Woman tells me later that day that she got totally yelled at. Suuwweeeet! If there is anyone I hate more than my bungling partner it's that blowhard resource manager.
She is such a dumbass...I happened to say once that I knew a little JAVA Script. Now I get these calls like this old fart guy in Philadelphia asking me if I could handle a Senior
Java Developer role. "Yes, I *could* do that if I was a lying sack of sh*t like the rest of you, but I got morals damn it! And you can??t steal my sunshine." Since I don't know any Java and Java Script is TOTALLY different (any first year web flunkie can tell you that) I told him to go eat himself raw. Ok, I really didn??t say that. I used UBSL (Unified Bullsh*t Language), which roughly translated into "Well McFly, while the opportunity is certainly fascinating and a great chance to expand my core competencies, I think that my skill set is more closely aligned with a functional role." I mean really, why is this partner who obviously knows nothing about the Internet, and occupying a top e-Commerce position in CIM (Consumer and Industrial Markets), getting JAVA and JAVA script capabilities screwed up, go figure, maybe he was calling me from some beach out in Philly and didn??t really give a flip.
I also went to this stupid Thai place with my loser friend Cade for lunch. Because, Oh My God! "Jean Claude Van Damn eats there." Like I give a rats ass, but in typical LA style went anyhow secretly hoping that Van Damn might actually be there. He wasn't, and the food sucked too, I wish I could remember the name... it's just like that damn sushi place...Well folks that's all I got for now, I'm going to this new Ghetti Museum tomorrow cause I want to be more classy and it??s been kinda too cold for the beach stuff. Should be a hoot though, it looks really impressive from the highway. I'm just wondering why he built a museum, wasn't he like a mobster or something?
Lay-ta,
K-boy
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