| Topic Name: |
I feel violated! |
| Message Name: |
Why the anger? |
| Date Posted: |
05/28/2002 |
| In Reply To: |
Funny thing happened to me today.
I got a call from some guy -- started off pretty innocuous. "You came in for an interview at my office a few weeks ago...you were the young lady in the black suit". I thought it was a job lead, so naturally, I humored this rather strange introduction. (didn't state where he was calling from or who he was).
Then the conversation veered off into bizarro world as this guy goes on: "I was the tall gentleman in the office. You must remember be. My name is XXX, I'm the company accountant. Oh, and do you exercise?" Then he tried to ask me out to dinner.
Turns out he dug up my resume and called me! Then he proceeds to tell me that HE LIVES DOWN THE STREET FROM ME! Well, thank God I turned down that job offer.
Has this happened to anyone? And would this count as sexual harrassment? |
| Message: |
This whole sexual harrasment thing has gotten way out of hand. Some guy saw you, was interested enough to dig up your phone number, and asked for a date. Be flattered. Be amused. From your breif description of events it appears that you always had control, and could end it with "That's nice, but no thank you". Why be angry? Ask yourself whether, if this guy had fit your image of desirable, you would have had a very different reaction.
As others have said, unless he crosses the line by calling again, he hasn't done anything wrong. Complaining to his employer could cost him his job, when all he did was ask you to dinner. Do we really want create such a hostile world? I would never stalk someone, nor harrass them, and when turned down I politely go away - but I have gone to great lengths on occasion to get the phone number of someone who interested me. I once met an apparantly bright and friendly girl at our local grocery store. We talked a few moments and parted ways without even exchanging names. She left while I was checking out, so I wrote down her tag number as she passed in front of the store. I had a friend on the police force look up her tag number and get me her name, I looked up her phone number and called her. She liked that I was so interested in her that I would do all of that to get her name, and we dated for quite a long time. How else can strangers meet? How would you have preferred he approach you?
On the other hand my boss is a beautiful woman. She has a sensual personality and wears the most revealing clothes. She always stands very close, often leaning over you when pointing, say, at something on the computer screen, she touches people when conversing with them, in conference calls and team meetings she will drape herself over a table or lie back in a windowsill while we work. In short, a beautiful young woman who enjoys her sensuality...and who knows we enjoy it as well. She has a sign on her cubicle that reads "Sexual harrassment will not be tolerated, but it will be graded". Many men desire her. She's happily married and quite content at home. There is no sexual advance made or implied. All of the men and women I know, myself included, love to work with her, as she is a consumate professional and very good manager. So, all interaction between the sexes isn't a bad thing. Please let's not create a workplace where every hint of gender is suppressed.
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