Notable quotables

Vault’s annual Law Firm Associate Survey—currently underway—elicits more quotes than we could possibly publish. Moreover, there is much material we wouldn’t publish—because of length, overly specific references to individuals, especially harsh language, or fringe points-of-view. This is a shame—with so many lawyers being frustrated writers and would-be comedians—a lot of the unused quotes are strange, funny bursts of insight into BigLaw reality and are deserving of a forum. So below, presented without reference to any particular firm, please enjoy our first weekly round-up of orphaned survey quotes. For our first installment, since our 2009 survey has just started, we’ve pulled unused quotes from last year’s survey. (What a difference a year makes: back then, some associates were “way too busy to sleep.”)

“The managing partner gets massages in his office, during work hours, a couple of times a week, and burns incense during the massage, which stinks, gives me a headache, and is a little weird to explain to people visiting the office.”

“It appears an unwritten rule that if you are a man who wants to make partner here you need to get divorced, so I am unhappy that they do not insist that I also spend the weekends in the office since I am forced to use that time to reacquaint myself with the ages, names, genders and facial characteristics of my children. It is however amusing to be called Uncle Dad when I return on Friday nights.”

“It’s not a bad place for a NY corporate law firm. However, that's like saying that herpes is not bad for an STD.”

“One partner told me, ‘I don't give a damn your grandmother is in the hospital, you work for my firm.’ And she was a junior partner.”

“We received an email from HR telling us that not enough people had filled out the Vault surveys this year. Well, the fact that people are way too busy to sleep, let alone fill out surveys, should tell you everything you need to know.”

-posted by brian