The Latest in Perks and Comp in Investment Banking

UBS tries to stop the insane amount of its bankers leaving for calmer waters by boosting salaries, J.P. Morgan tells its crew to stop tipping the delivery man, and Bank of America Merrill Lynch throws its private wealth employees a meatless bone, giving them new and improved titles without any apparent pay increases.

What this all means is UBS bankers unable to find jobs other than at their sinking deeper and deeper by the day firm will be able to buy a few more cans of PBR this summer to sip away their troubles, delivery men and women at fine and not so fine dining establishments across Manhattan will be nightly drawing straws to see who will be the hapless short straw sucker forced to deliver meals to grunts tipping a mere 10 percent, and another 336 resumes emblazoned with the words Merrill Lynch were just sent into cyberspace.