9. Jobless claims are down to their lowest levels in more than 12 months.
8. You have not been accused of insider trading (and are not looking at some serious time in the slammer if convicted), unlike Raj Raj and his pal Danielle Chiesi, the former teen-beauty queen and Colorado Buffalo.
7. You don’t have money invested in Stuyvesant Town and Peter Cooper Village, the two Manhattan apartment complexes over which CalPERS is thinking about firing its real estate advisor, BlackRock, which convinced the Golden State pension fund to invest $500 million in the deep-in-the-red properties.
6. As part of the world's largest automaker's largest recall in history, Toyota Motor Corporation is repairing the broken gas pedal on your Tacoma (and about 3,999,999 other messed up pedals on your neighbors’ Camrys and Pruises).
5. You will soon be able to read this novel: Adam Haslett’s Union Atlantic, forthcoming from Random House in February 2010, centered on, according to Esquire, which recently published an excerpt, "a financial institution edging towards failure, the impending disruption of the credit markets, and a small cadre of powerful men charged with making sure that won't happen."
4. You are not a Cleveland Browns fan (or, on the off chance that you are a Browniac, at least you don’t pull for the men in Honolulu blue and silver).
3. Folks are buying more Fusions and Levi’s, blenders and hot pockets (that is, consumer spending is up).
2. If Jamie Dimon doesn’t bite, this job might soon be available (making your new boss the most powerful man on the planet).
AP Photo/Jeff Christensen
10. Unlike UBS and Ernst & Young, you're not potentially facing hundreds of lawsuits by investors who lost millions of dollars in Bernie's Ponzi scheme of the century.