Women and men are both emotional in their own ways, but the corporate world is much more attuned to, and accepting of, traditional male emotional response (arguing, back-slapping, yelling) than female emotional response (hugging, crying, self-deprecation). If you're a woman, try to cut back on classic female emotional responses. While it'll take some practice, it is necessary for you to detach emotions from your day-to-day work routine.. You can still be very loyal to your company, friendly with your colleagues and accountable for your work without bringing your personal standards and sensitivities into the office.

Distinguishing between personal friendships and work relationships

Women often blur the lines between work friendships and personal friendships. While it is great to like your colleagues so much you want to be "real" friends with them, you need to respect appropriate professional boundaries at all times. In the office, your work relationship trumps your personal friendship. If you have or your colleague has access to confidential work information, you cannot expect to share that information as gossip. You and your colleague may have lunch or coffee every day, but that person may not necessarily want to socialize with you outside of the office. If one of you actually reports to the other, or you just work very closely together, understand that constructive criticism needs to be shared from time to time for professional growth; it's not a personal insult. If you and your colleague have a pre-existing friendship before you started working for the same company, don't slip into comfortable socializing patterns in front of others in the office. It will diminish your professional credibility if everyone thinks you spend all your time gossiping with each other instead of producing for the company.

Being the bitch

It's a well-known double standard -- a man stands his ground, and he is called authoritative. A woman stands her ground, and she is called a bitch. A woman may be labeled "bitchy" for saying the same thing a man could say without repercussion. Anticipate these responses and move beyond them.

• Stay firm. Do not raise your voice. Never, ever whine.
• Always listen attentively to a different view and try to understand other perspectives. But It's perfectly appropriate to say "no" if you have good reasons to counter objections.
• Learn to present your views and arguments in a linear, logical fashion. Otherwise, your valid points will be lost, and you may even be considered "irrational."
• Manage your day and control factors that make you cranky. Try to avoid situations that you know will set you off. For example, if you can't stand a certain co-worker, try not to work with that person. If you can't stand a certain manager, try to present your findings to a more sympathetic listener. If you get cranky when you are tired, make sure you get enough sleep before important meetings. If you get cranky when you are hungry, stock snacks in your office and eat them!

Crying in the office

It is not a shameful thing to cry in the office -- it happens all the time! It is a reflection of how much you care about your job, and your strong feeling of accountability. Unfortunately, women are more susceptible to crying than men, and the corporate world does not know how to deal with a crying woman. If you feel yourself getting teary, excuse yourself, dry your tears and return to the meeting or conversation.

If you feel mortified that you lost control of your emotions in front of your male boss, take comfort. You are not the first person he has seen cry, and you will certainly not be the last. And if your boss is a long-time veteran of the business world, he has seen much crazier things than a woman crying in the office. If you start crying in front of a female boss, you can expect one of two responses. Either she will comfort you because she remembers all the times it happened to her in the past, or she will be frustrated that you are being too girly. If she takes the latter stance, it is probably because she is dealing with her own insecurities of being a woman in a man's world, and you shouldn't take it personally. Just move on.

If you cry once in a blue moon, your co-workers will shrug off your rare crying jag. If it happens often, however, people will begin to doubt your emotional stability (even if it's their fault that you are crying). For your own physical and emotional health, get out of an environment that regularly pushes you to tears.

This article is excerpted from the Vault Guide to Conquering Corporate America for Women and Minorities.
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