The Old Boys' Club
Accept the basic fact that the corporate world is not diverse - yet. Your exclusion from the old boys' network may span the benign (e.g., happy hour gathering) to the extreme (e.g., strip club outings, private golf courses). It's OK not to care whether you gain entrance into this community if you are happy to live without it. If you do care, there are varying approaches you can employ to gain acceptance over time:
- Befriend a few key members, or get to know as many members as possible. If you become friends with one or two ringleaders, you can get pulled into the circle. If everyone in the group knows who you are and has a generic but positive reaction to your name ("Hey, I know John too! He seems nice enough."), you may also get pulled into the circle. Try to identify one common interest you can bond over with each person, such as a common alma mater, favorite movie genre or sports team.
- If you are a woman, it's okay to act like one of the guys, or to show your feminine side. Lots of professional women go either way. For example, Ellen Hancock, former CEO of Exodus Communications, was known to hang out with her gang of male senior managers. Sherry Lansing, CEO of Paramount Pictures, is known for her soft management style. The most important thing is that you are comfortable in your actions, and that you interact with every person.. If you really want to secure your place in the club, do not date anyone in the circle.
- Develop some interests that overlap with the group's common activities so that you can't be excluded due to your lack of ability, e.g., playing golf or tennis, or wine-tasting. It doesn't matter if you are mediocre at it; just get out there and participate. If you are really bad, take some lessons first.
- Play up the fun and funny side of your personality. These are the best traits to contribute to any group conversation or outing.
- Evolve friendships naturally. Employing the above strategies takes time. Do not barge your way into too many conversations or gatherings. It looks desperate. Invite a couple of co-workers to lunch or to drinks; they will likely reciprocate.
- Make it easy to pronounce your name. Don't take it personally if you have a name that people have a hard time pronouncing,. Think of a good way to help people remember your name and feel comfortable addressing you. You can go by your initials, use the first syllable or two of your name as a nickname, or tell people what your name rhymes with when they first meet you. For example, Sucharita might tell clients who can't pronounce her name to call her "Su," or humorously spark their memory by telling them, "Just think of drinking a Margarita fore you say my name."
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This article is excerpted from the Vault Guide to Conquering Corporate America for Women and Minorities.
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