"girls club" is about a beautiful blonde (Gretchen Mol), a beautiful redhead (Kathleen Robertson of "Beverly Hills 90210" fame) and a beautiful brunette (Chyler Leigh) who are best friends and roommates, slaving away as associates at the same San Francisco law firm. Sure, the characters have names, but they're as inconsequential as the "law" they spout in the series premiere. ("Eggshell plaintiff! Eggshell plaintiff!" shouts one character. Hey, I remember that from first-year torts!) Taking up where Kelley's hit "Ally McBeal" left off, our intrepid associates wear snazzy outfits, prance around all day at work and pout appealingly when things don't go their way.

And things, of course, hardly ever go their way. They get yelled at by evil partners. (More about that later.) They get sexually harassed at every turn. Their work is sabotaged by other associates. They get booted off important cases. Their brief-writing is criticized. But never fear; these kids got spunk to spare. They're gonna make it after all. And, like big sister Ally McBeal, they've also got a softer side. Case in point: Redhead sleeps with a teddy bear.

Like last year's disappointing "First Years," this show takes itself so seriously it's almost painful to watch. The girls of "girls club" exist in a moral universe of black and white. In their world, anyone with power is the enemy. Anyone. When Blondie is chastised by a senior partner for bumbling a murder trial (in the "girls club" universe, junior associates not only get to try cases but also first-chair murder trials!), she tells the senior partner, "If it's your mission in life to make me cry, that's never gonna happen." I doubt very much it's the partner's mission in life to make her cry. I doubt very much he cares even one little bit whether she cries or not. But in the simplified moral universe of "girls club," the partner, whose criticism of Blondie's trial work appeared to be very sound indeed, is simply out for blood and must be treated with contempt.

~ One female partner nicknamed the Praying Mantis who, Ninja-like, seems to materialize out of nowhere whenever her name is mentioned, calls Blondie a "little snot" at the end of the premiere episode. I practically cheered! Little snot, indeed. They're all a bunch of little snots. When Redhead is offered the opportunity to handle the deposition of an important client, she is just plain put out. She rolls her eyes, she sighs, she pouts. What a drag. She has to do actual work at this law firm! Little snot.

And there in lies the central problem with "girls club." The girls of "girls club" (and yes, they are referred to as girls in almost every scene) are simply unlikable. They're whiny. They're a bunch of know-it-alls. While the partners they work for are painted as villains, the partners actually come across as a group of fairly reasonable if un-cuddly lawyers. (Not the sexual harasser, though -- he's a creep). Sure, the partners are often disapproving and critical. But that's because the girls do really stupid things. (The entirety of Blondie's opening argument in the murder trial is the following: "The evidence will not show that my client killed the victim in this case [dramatic pause] because he didn't.") The New Feminism that is so clearly intended to be at the core of "girls club" comes across as mere petulance.

There isn't much to like about "girls club." But a few things made me smile. When Brunette refers to a fellow associate as a "dyke" at the top of her voice in a room full of colleagues and partners, her reaction is actually clever and funny: "Oh my god! I'm so sorry! I love homosexuals!" But even seeing Noel from "Felicity" play the defendant in Blondie's murder trial wasn't enough to salvage the disaster that is "girls club." Something tells me the doors of this club won't stay open for long.